I am playing Final Fantasy XI

So I’ve played Final Fantasy XI for a couple days now, or maybe it’s just been one day. I don’t know. Unemployment does that to you, especially when you combine it with an MMO. Basically all I’ve done has been club rabbits. I have a pet rabbit myself. I had her on the bed while I was playing. Rabbits, for those of you who do not know, do this weird teeth-clicking thing when they’re happy–it’s kind of like purring. In the middle of clubbing rabbits for experience, I looked over at her. She was watching intently, clicking her teeth happily. I’m beginning to worry about her.

I’ve made it to Level 10, which I think is fairly good considering I haven’t upgraded any of my equipment because I can’t really figure out how. Nothing in the game is easy or comprehensible–it’s like they went out of their way to hide how to do anything. I’m playing with my laptop connected to my TV, because my TV is about five times the size of the laptop screen, but the font is so small it’s hard to read. Everything’s just a blur. But one thing I’m doing well is clubbing the rabbits. I’ve bought a couple of spells somehow and now not only am I clubbing rabbits, I’m throwing magical stones at them, blinding them, subjecting them to tornados, and splashing them with water.

Some lady told me to make my way to a place in the south and kill an enemy. It doesn’t matter which one, she’s just happy so long as I’m killing something. Along the way I found a Wild Sheep. The Wild Sheep, after proving itself to be wooly and tough, chased me for a mile, kicking me as it went, and finally killing me.

I am very perplexed by this experience. I have been playing videogames for about 25 years and I’m still not really sure what’s going on. And yet…I find clubbing rabbits to be an extraordinarily soothing activity. I’m beginning to wonder about myself. I no longer know whether I am enjoying myself or not. I totally understand why people develop addictions to this kind of thing. It’s just the right amount of lack-of-work vs frequency-of-awards that’s designed to cause a habit.

In any case, Eric, who once showed me the amount of time he’s played the game over the course of the past several years–it added up to something like 62 DAYS of play–is going to show me some of the things that I can do in the game and maybe actually get me started on the storyline. If .hack, Otherland, Ready Player One, and basically any other work involving a virtual world is any indication, we’re going to stumble upon a real-world mystery that I’m going to have to race against time to solve. Again, I’m unemployed, so I’m looking forward to having something constructive to do. I’m prepared for the possibility that Eric’s character may be killed in-game, causing him to go into a coma in the real world, and that I’m going to have to search for a cure. I’m totally cool with this. I wouldn’t mind having the apartment to myself for a few weeks.

Question for those of you who play: Any time I pass a Tarutaru, I have the impulse to pat it on the head and go HEY LI’L GUY. Is this bad form?

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